- Location: Duns, United Kingdom
- What I help people with:
(in order of expertise)
- Chronic Pain
- Drug Abuse
- Alcohol Addiction
- Relationship Issues
- Sexual Issues
- Therapy types I offer: (in order of most commonly practised)
- Qualifications verified by PlusGuidance:
- Certificate in Couple Counselling
- Diploma in Psychosexual Therapy
- Diploma in Working with Sex Addiction: Individuals & Couples
- Postgraduate Diploma in Alcohol & Drug Studies with Practice
- Certificate in Online Counselling Skills
- Certificate in Working Online with Groups
- Recommend me:
- My availability
Lesley Inglis Psychosexual Therapy, Specialist in Sex & Love Problems-Addictions
How I can help you
I can help you by using my expertise in working online, to first of all quickly tune in to your feelings and your difficulties perhaps arising from any mental health problems e.g. anxiety and/or depression and secondly to offer you more understanding of yourself and positive ways to move forward, if that is what you wish. You will find more information below and also at my website, http://www.castawaytherapy.com
I am a Specialist in working with difficulties such as, Sexual Problems, Love and Porn Addiction, Cross Dressing, (and also for people having been charged under the UK Sexual Offences Act). I also work with Partners who have often been traumatised by worrying sexual behaviours.
What to expect
To our sessions, I will bring the knowledge and experience I have gained over many years by working with people and their wide range of difficulties. Depending on your problem, I will help you understand yourself better and I will suggest positive, specific, tried and tested strategies, designed to alleviate any distress you may have. You can expect a compassionate relationship based on genuineness from me.
Recent consultations with enquirer's have included;
* A couple have had difficulties for most of their 3 year relationship, in that the lady feels unloved. She wants more time spent talking together, sharing special moments and being able to support each other when they are upset and in need of comfort. The man knows these are her feelings. Whenever she threatens to leave he will respond differently for a short period of time. This includes wanting to have sex - which she is too resentful to allow to happen.
* A female medical student is compulsively using social media to hook up with guys and have sex. She doesn’t enjoy the sex, but is in love with the fantasy of love, yet when any of the guys are nice to her, she dumps them.
* A man in the early months of his marriage – can’t stop his habit of many years – seeing escorts for sex 2 -3 times per week. He states he does know the difference between making love to his wife and the sex he has with escorts. He has tried to stop several times on his own -but has finally realised he needs help to do so. He is full of shame and guilt.
* A lady is attending a group program for sex addiction. Her husband has been shattered by her revelations, but now feels they are turning a corner. However, she is bringing men from the group to their home to have sex with while her husband is at work.
* A woman that is self-harming, triggered by childhood sexual abuse, needs a safe and confidential space to explore the trauma - in order to be able to work through it and find more positive ways of coping.
* A woman has seen her husbands mobile, that contains a lot of porn & images that may be illegal. She was in state of shock, but is now monumentally furious - so much so that she has for the first time ever - physically attacked her husband. They are afraid and don't know what to do next.
Please message me for a free, no obligation consultation.
As a qualified Online Therapist, I welcome you to browse my profile.
A warm hello to everyone that is considering working with me. How do people manage to decide on who will be the best person to work with? It can be a difficult decision when you are experiencing emotional pain and confusion and there is a long list of Counsellors and Therapists offering different things. I can use both my specialist knowledge/qualifications and thousands of hours experience as a Psychotherapist to be able to help you understand complicated situations, emotions, thoughts and behaviours. The problem may have suddenly occurred or it may have been festering for a long time - for me it is a bit like starting with a boxed Brillo pad and slowly, carefully and sensitively helping you to unravel that tightly wound bundle into something that is more relaxed and straightforward. I always ask myself, if I was this client - how would I like to be approached and what would really help? As well as wanting good qualifications and experience, I wouldn't want to be spending too much time with someone that believed I would eventually find my own solutions - no, I would have tried everything 'I' knew to try before I reached a Psychotherapist and if she/he knows what my problem best responds to - Yes of course I want the Therapist to use that knowledge to help direct me. But that's just me. Some people don't want a solution so much or a way to fix things and that's ok too. They want time and a safe, confidential relationship where they can think together with the Psychotherapist about their difficulties. So by assessing with you what the difficulty is, we can agree together about the best approach for you. When we begin Therapy, I will regularly review with you - how you are experiencing our work together and changes can be made if indicated.
The type of problem that you have needs to be carefully matched up with what is on offer, e.g. Relationship Therapy is a specialist Therapy and I work with both individuals and couples. Psychosexual Therapy is also a highly specialist area and if you are affected by male; erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, loss of or low sex drive, or female; pain on intercourse, lack of sex drive and/or orgasm then you need a specialist to assess you and to create an individually tailored program for you to address these conditions. I will give you detailed and specific guidance on steps to be taken in order to overcome your difficulties - and I will be very sensitive to how you feel. By setting gentle and simple tasks for you to practice in private, I will help you work towards leaving unwanted sexual problems behind. Couple relationships can be devastated when one partner develops a problem that perhaps leads them to withdraw from any sexual activity. Deep shame and guilt can be experienced by withdrawing and anger and resentment as well as low self-esteem can be experienced by their partner. I work in a caring and compassionate way with all my clients and it is such a pleasure when they manage to overcome what they often believed was impossible to change. I think my clients would say that what often starts out with tears, soon may develop into laugher -(when appropriate) which can be very healing.
All addictions are similar in that they can devastate not only the individual with the problem, but partners, children and families, friends, colleagues and employers of the person. It is a desperate situation and Sexual Addiction including porn/website addiction is one that continues to escalate. High expertise is needed to work with this complex problem. Look at the Therapists professional accrediting body e.g. ATSAC to see if they are listed there, to ensure you are signing up with someone that has the necessary qualifications and experience. Using a broad brush stroke, it is usually men (but not necessarily) that have sex addiction and women that have love addiction. As if it wasn't hard enough to find the courage to ask for help - a woman has the extra difficulty of social stigma to overcome - please ladies don't let this stop you from getting the help that you need. Partners of sex/love addicts are often left traumatised, hardly able to function because of what they have experienced. This too is complex work. I don't want any man or woman to be too afraid, guilty or ashamed to seek help. You will be treated with respect, will not be judged and for people in the public eye (and not), working in instant messaging instead of face to face - can make all the difference between being able to come forward and not.
Some (more) information about me:
If you are still reading at this point - I haven't quite yet bored you into a coma :-). I have been working with people and their various physical & psychological problems for 37 years...... wow that's a stark realisation - as I feel very young at heart. I have worked for the NHS, Relate, a Drugs & Alcohol Service, Criminal Justice, Relationships Scotland and for a UK university - where I set up and run the very successful Online Therapy Service. I have worked in the Middle East and Greece and therefore have experience of the challenges that being an ex-pat can bring, e.g. living apart from your partner and children and the temptation of having affairs. I also have a special interest in what it is like living with unexplained physical pain and the profound impact this can have on you and your activities - including employment.
The essence of my work: I feel compassion for people and their struggles. Sometimes people think that compassion is only excusing wrongs that have been done. This is not so - I never forget how painful it can be to start looking at ourselves in a scrupulously honest way. When working with addictions, some people are looking for easier, less emotionally painful ways, to recover, but the only way I know that works, is to accept that honesty is a vital part of healing from an addiction. Honesty heals. Sexual addiction to porn or affairs, escorts, illegal and unsafe activities - usually causes people to feel shame and guilt very deeply, which is very hard to tolerate. This often perpetuates the vicious cycle of mental obsession, physical cravings, and the acting out of behaviours (the addiction) that are used to escape from the guilt and shame. Perhaps you believe you don't deserve compassion - it is punishment you need? Punishment only makes matters worse. I will gently offer you compassion and hold it out until you feel ready to accept this for yourself.
Whatever you are struggling with and however you wish to approach the struggle - I am happy for you to message me - so that you can decide if I will be good for you to work with. I offer a short free introductory session using instant messaging, for us to have a chance to communicate and decide if we wish to start therapy sessions. There is no obligation on either of us to work together. I shall be honest from the start and if you e.g. want to be healed from an addiction in 6 sessions - I will tell you this is unrealistic as this work is usually of a longer term nature. Likewise-during therapy if I feel we have reached our goals sooner than anticipated - I shall ask you if you feel happy for us to end our work at that point. The number of sessions you have is your decision - however I shall use my experience to guide you when necessary. In my everyday work I use a 6 session model as a framework for Therapy, some people need only 4 sessions - others may need 12 - a lot use the 6 sessions well. I am flexible and realistic.
I look forward to hearing from you.